Because Kevin insisted that he stood up, but did die, I present part II.
Part I may be found here... http://www.republibot.com/node/6243
The auto-hearse pulled up to the circular driveway in front of the empty crematorium chapel. Database connections were attempted and some were made. Reverend Pepper’s kindly image flicked onto the Mylar screen in the automatic chapel. Jaybot and Chrisbot looked virtually on. It began...
“We meet here today to honour and pay tribute to the life of Kevin, and to express our love and admiration for him. Also to try to bring some comfort to those of his family and friends who are unfortunately not here and have been deeply hurt by his sudden death.”, intoned Reverend Pepper.
“Because of *database failure*, Kevin wasn't known to be a particularly religious person, and we lack knowledge of his early life, so it's befitting that his funeral ceremony should reflect what he was, a gentle, kind, loving person; devoted to his family.”
“I never had the privilege of knowing Kevin, but I would have spent some time with his family over the last few days, if they had not been humanely killed, however I'm not going to use that as a platform to talk to you about Kevin.”
“We know very little about Kevin -- perhaps that was the way he preferred it.”
“It’s only natural that we should be sad today, because in a practical sense, Kevin is no longer a part of our lives, "we must die, we know" said a character in Shakespeare, " tis but the time and drawing days out that men stand upon", and so we all come to ponder the life and death of a truly wonderful man, aged indeterminate; with confused and mixed feelings. Perhaps these feeling were on his mind when he *database failure*... ”
“Kevin did not let us down. When we said “stand up”, Kevin stood up. When we said “run”, Kevin ran. When we said “die”, Kevin did not die. Not at first, in any case. Kevin provided us with years of amusement, as he tried, and failed, to destroy us. He did not succeed, but in the immortal words of Casey Kasem, ‘He kept reaching for the stars.’”
“We have a powerful sense of loss; combined with a recognition that; if death must come, it’s as well that it’s not unduly prolonged, we don't want to see someone we love suffer, so this sorrow; and our sense of the fitness of things; don't sit easily together, one purpose of our proceedings here today; is in some way to try to reconcile those feelings. We only wish to enhance quality of life, by quality of death.”
“Today is also a day for memories, today will be remembered for many reasons, but mainly I hope it will be remembered by you all; as a very special day, a special day in which you shared some time with others; in order to pay your last respects; and to say both mentally and physically; a sad and fond farewell to a wonderful man, ....a man whom we were all so very privileged to have known.”
“Thank you all for being here today for Kevin.”, lilted the auto-reverend.
“Kevin always enjoyed a wide variety of music and Name of spouse had great difficulty in choosing something appropriate for the end of today's proceedings, I think what she did choose will go some of the way to salute the life of a very special man.”
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
After a time, the music faded. The next hearse pulled up. Reverend Pepper popped into existence once again...