Which Alien Would You Vote For?

Mama Fisi
Mama Fisi's picture

So--who's the baddest humanoid alien around--Superman, The Doctor, or Mork from Ork?


Well, let's see here...maybe we should start by listing their assets.


 


Abilities:


Superman:  he's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  Often mistaken for a bird or a plane.


The Doctor: ageless.  Can regenerate into a new body when the current one craps out on him.  Has a number of really cool toys, chief among them a magic wand (also called a sonic screwdriver) and a time machine that can go anywhere in the universes.


Mork from Ork: like Robin Williams on cocaine, only without the cocaine.


 


Charisma:


Superman: Although trying to pass himself off as a nerdy newspaper reporter, he has attracted a number of beautiful and strong-willed women, most notably Lana Lang, Lois Lane, and Wonder Woman.  Has a spit curl and blue eyes to die for.  Looks good in spandex, with or without red underpants.


The Doctor: Despite actually being nerdy, has had more "companions" than Hugh Hefner.  Attracts both sexes, and a few different species.  Goes through "companions" like some people go through Kleenex.  Can't actually remember all of them.  May or may not have a thing for his ship.


Mork from Ork: Well, there's Mindy.  And, um...nope, that's it.  Even the chest hair doesn't help.  He's more geeky than nerdy.  He's the guy no one will sit with in the cafeteria, the one who talks to his own pockets, the one you cross the street to avoid when you see him coming lest people assume you're with him.


 


Hit Points:


Superman: Damn near indestructable, except for Kryptonite.


The Doctor: I mentioned the regeneration thing, right?  Plus he has two hearts and the ability to stop breathing for extended periods of time.


Mork from Ork: Extremely susceptible to antihistamines, because as it turns out, Orkans are made of histamines.


 


Family Values:


Superman: Seems to me there's one area he's not super in.  Although this depends on what source you consider to be "canon."  Some contend that Kryptonian DNA and Earth DNA are incompatable, while comics of the past have depicted him as fathering children with several women, including Wonder Woman and a mermaid.  Has also adopted children.


The Doctor: Having a granddaughter presupposes having had a son or a daughter, but when you've got a TARDIS, nothing can be certain.  He might even be his own grandpa for all we really know.  Clones don't count as children.


Mork from Ork: Hatched Jonathan Winters from an egg he'd laid.  I take back what I'd said about the cocaine.


 


Methods of Transport:


Superman: Flies around.


The Doctor: Flies around in a blue police box that can travel through space and time and is bigger on the inside.


Mork from Ork: Flies around in a jumbo egg.  May possibly be able to time travel. 


 


Sartorial Splendour:


Superman: Wears vivid blue tights with a red cape, boots, and wrestling shorts under just about everything, but mainly a suit and tie.  Wears hornrimmed glasses as part of his "disguise."


The Doctor: Generally known for rolling around in his closet and wearing whatever sticks to him.  Still able to be a Fashion Statement, if in an untranslated language.


Mork from Ork: Usually a tiger-striped shirt and rainbow-colored suspenders.  Also has an official Orkan uniform of a red jump suit with a silver triangle.  I think he was trying to tell us something.  Poor Mindy.


 


Catch Phrases:


Superman: "Up, Up, And Away-y-y-y!" (later stolen by the Fifth Dimension.)


The Doctor: It depends on the version of The Doctor.  The guy's almost a thousand years old.  He's had time to develop a lot of catch phrases.  Jelly baby?


Mork from Ork: "Nanu, nanu!" and "Shazbot!"  


 


Their Contribution To Earth:


Superman: Dedicated his life to protecting and saving the world from all manner of supervillains, threats, and evildoers.


The Doctor: Repeatedly saves the Earth from alien threats that probably never would have noticed the Earth in the first place if The Doctor hadn't been messing about with it.  Exceptionally fond of Earthlings the way certain elderly ladies are fond of cats.  Harbors a belief that humans may actually become intelligent beings someday.


Mork from Ork: Probably nothing, but proved to his supervisor on Ork that humor is not actually a bad thing.  


 


Longevity:


Superman: Still going strong after seventy-six years.  A multi-media icon.


The Doctor: Recently celebrated his 50th anniversary, but there's the little matter of that cancellation hiatus from 1989-2005 that nobody wants to acknowledge.  Has a vibrant extracurricular life in books and radio formats.


Mork from Ork: All the manic energy in two worlds couldn't keep his series from tanking in four seasons.


 


So who would you consider the winner to be?


 


 

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