(Disclaimer: The world does not actually explode.)
The Night the World Exploded
Whew what a stinker! I haven't seen "2012" or "The Day After Tomorrow" but this two star wonder really takes the cake when it comes to Greenpeace Eco-maniac Heroic Terrorism.
Okay, here's the plot:
Noted Geologist Dr. Conway (sadly not Tim Conway) has just perfected his earthquake prediction machine. He confidently predicts that California is about to get hit by the mother of all Earthquakes and rushes off to see the Governor in Sacramento. The Governor of course doesn't believe the prediction though he does thank Conway for the warning.
Meanwhile, Conway's lady lab assistant "Hutch" tells Scientist #2, that she's giving up pineing after Dr. Conway and is going to marry someone else. Scientist #2 urges her not to
give up on Dr. Conway just yet.
Of course, the Earthquake prediction comes true and there's much destruction including Oil refineries being destroyed "by their own products." So much so that the Earth's axis is tilted by 3 degrees (illustrated by the angle of a ceiling lamp tilting.) (I don't think these guys actually understand gravity.)
The scientists then are acclaimed by the Governor and given all the assistance they need. However, they're now predicting more and larger earthquakes that will eventually reduce the planet to dust.
Conway, "Hutch" and Scientist #2, then go to Carlsbad Caverns to investigate what's causing The Earthquakes. "Hutch" then freezes climbing down the ladder. Conway then breaks her out of her paralyzing fear by insulting her and telling her she's just a helpless female. This insult is more than the 1957 proto-feminist can stand and so she decends if only to nag at Conway. His taunts are quickly forgiven. She just can't stay mad at him.
At the bottom of the cavern they find samples of a new material dubbed "Element 112" (no relation to Copernicium) which will double in size and mass and explode when exposed to air. (Yeah, I know.) It's being forced up through the ground from the center of the earth in areas where mining or oil drilling have "reduced the gravity" of the Earth. (I don't think these people understand gravity.)
Man is destroying the earth by unleashing Element 112, it's growth in size is causing all the earthquakes and then they explode. "It's almost as if the Earth were striking back for our robbing her of her natural reasources."
Dr. Conway then runs into the military bureaucracy when he wants to call a conference of all the leading scientists in the world. After red tape is put away, 10-12 guys show up. Conway then demonstrates the explosive qualities of Element 112 by blowing up a globe with a bomb. Being the types who never allow a good crisis to go to waste, they immediately agree to hand over soverienty of their nations to Dr. Conway.
They then consult the awesome power of The Datalog People, by programming all geological knowledge and the analysis of Element 112 to The Datatron. The part of the Datatron is played by a Burroughs-205 computer. (The Burroughs-205 also played "The Batcomputer" so we know it's answers are absolutely correct.) The Batcomputer then says that the whole world will
explode in 28 days and 4 hours and the countdown starts.
What's the answer? Well, Element 112 is harmless when submerged in water, so, they begin to flood all the mines and oil wells on Earth. This is accomplished by digging rivers with stock footage of B-17 bomb strikes and curiously, gun camera footage of strafing attacks. (How does strafing people help the environment? By reducing the population perhaps?) There are also people working on cloud seeding (which curiously actually works in the film.)
With the end of the world coming up, "Hutch" and Conway find themselves more attracted to each other. Conway sums it up by saying that the world is about to end, so they may as well eat,
drink, be merry. (Maybe that's why Global Warming Apocolypse enthusiasts are so into the topic, it makes an impressive pickup line. "Hey baby, the world's about to be destroyed. How 'bout we spend the last few hours shagging like bunnies?")
The B-17 bombing campaigns start to pay off, except for in New Mexico where a new Volcano has sprouted up. Conway orders a nearby Hydroelectric Dam to open their floodgates, but the dam's crew is being overcome by volcanic gasses.
Conway, and "Hutch" then fly to the dam with a load of Element 112, to blow up the dam. When they arrive, the spillways are clearly all the way open, so I'm not sure what blowing up the dam will accomplish, but hey, this is the climax of the movie, and all Eco-maniacs just love to blow up dams.
They rush past the dead and the dying dam operators to plant the Element near the generators so it will do the most damage. A dying operator then staggers up and trips over a bottle of acid (which will acclerate the explosion.) They don't bother with the suffering (albeit still very much alive) dam operator, but beat a hasty retreat so they can blow the whole place up.
The dam blows up, and from the effects shot, it doesn't look like any more water is coming from the burst dam than was coming over the spillway, but hey the Eco-maniacs don't care about results. All the people at the dam are definitely dead now.
Having saved the world, Conway and "Hutch" then have their romantic scene. Then talk about how a crisis can bring about the best in people. (Which according to the film, seems to be doing everything that the Eco-Maniacs tell them to.)
So, it ends happily, After all, don't all Eco-Maniacs just want to kill off the Earth's population, so they can re-populate it with their own genes? The film closes with "Hutch" telling Dr. Conway, that the Earth is moving for her.
Will Conservatives like this film?
Will Eco-Terrorists like this film?