RETROSPECULATIVE TV: Star Blazers: "Ultra-Menace Missile" (Season 1, Episode 3)

Bleeding Heart

Episode three starts with the official launch of the spaceship Argo. Now I know you might be a little confused because we launched the spaceship in my last review, but apparently that was not the official launch. How do I know this one is the official one? Because they are having a parade! And everyone knows nothing is official until you have a big parade.
We get a very inspiring speech from Captain Avatar. He has such a way with words. I may write a book about his most inspirational quotes. We are also introduced to another character. Nova, a young cadet that is leaving her family to volunteer for the mission that the Argo is about to embark on. Now, it appears that she will be the “love” interest in the series. In my last review I thought it was going to be the hot alien chick they found broken down on Mars. But I guess the writers were not comfortable with interspecies relationship, or they thought Captain Kirk had that covered. So we get Nova, a dead ringer for the alien chick.
The people of earth know how to do a send off party the right way – we have a big parade and everyone gets their new uniforms that have bell bottom pants. I guess that fashion must have come back in the future, I am looking forward to it. We get to see how some of the character relationships are developing. There are several conversations between Venture and Wildstar about the Captain. Wildstar seems to be holding some emotions towards the Captain about his brother’s death. Wildstar is not convinced that Captain Avatar is the right guy for this mission.
Episode three can be summed up as an episode of MTV’s Cribs, Space Battleship Argo-style. We get a tour of the ship. We meet a lot of the staff. The Producers of the show do something very handy when introducing these characters; they put the names under then as they are introduced. I think this was an attempt in getting us to know all the people who are going to die later on in the series. But I forgot all their names shortly after we got the technical explanation to all the cool tech stuff on the ship. Like the Hologram room, and the well-named “Dynamic Do All” machine which can build anything by just typing the word. Now that is cool stuff.
As we continue our tour of the ship we get to meet Orion, the chief engineer. During the conversation between Wildstar and Orion, Wildstar asks him about the Captain and if he thinks Captain Avatar can do the job. Orion and the Captain go way back and he lets Wildstar know that the Captain is the best and he has to make a lot to tough choices. He also reveals to Wildstar that the Captain lost his own son in the wars. As this is taking place, the Captain overhears this conversation, he says nothing at the time but you can tell that this relationship between Wildstar and Captain Avatar will be the most dynamic of the series and will be the real story on the journey.
The writes did one of the best jobs, well the only job I have really seen, on how the core technology works on the ship. We learn how the “Wave Motion” technology works for both the main gun and the engines. We learn how they plan to travel thru space to save time. They have figured how to “Jump” time and space with a space warp. They will use this to shorten the trip. It’s all a bunch of Einstein stuff that I won’t bore you with, but it made sense to me.
Now we have a little dilemma here. Venture is in charge or making the jump. But if he screws this up, they will all die. That’s a lot of pressure for a kid who is named after a Chevy minivan.
Now back to the Gamillons. There is a lot of buzz, they are very excited because they are getting ready to launch their ultimate weapon, so aptly named “The Ultra Menace Missile”. That’s right “The Ultra Menace Missile”. That means they have some other missiles that are just “Menace Missiles”. And you never send a Menace Missile to do the job of an Ultra Menace Missile. So they launch this thing from their base on Pluto with the hopes that this will take out the flying boat that the humans are sending to space.
Episode three ends with the Ultra Menace Missile, being… well not that ultra nor menacing. The Star Force just moves the ship out of the way. I hope the Gamillons have some better tech then that! The episode ends with a very handy date count down that appears on the screen, just 363 days left.
Jamie Maxfield is a stand-up comic living in Salt Lake City Utah, father of six and fan of all things 80’s. Check him out on Facebook (, Youtube (, Twitter (, Myspace ( and coming soon his new website