REPUBLIBOT WEEKEND MOVIE PREVIEW: Movies Opening 4-2-10

Republibot 1.0
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Just to start off, I would like to apologize for missing last week. I had client in town on Thursday for my regular job and the day went long as well as Friday and by Saturday, I figured it was too late. But we are back this week, and what a week it is!! Well, not really, it is actually kinda mediocre, but it is thought that counts right?

First off, let’s get the small print out of the way: I’ve not seen these movies, nor have I researched any of them. I am putting my trust in my former geek pop culture osmosis powers to help support my very transparently uninformed opionions. All of the film information presented here, including the plot summary, have been pulled from the Opening This Week page of IMDb (http://www.imdb.com/nowplaying/). This week we are previewing Clash of the Titans, The Last Song, and Why Did I Get Married Too, amongst others.

Join us after the jump for more.

Clash of the Titans
Director: Louis Leterrier
Stars: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes
Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures
The Plot: In a loose adaptation from Greek mythology, Perseus (Worthington) who was born a god but raised as a man, sets off on an epic mission to combat Hades (Fiennes) before he can seize power from Zeus (Neeson) and unleash hell on earth.

The Republibot Take: For some reason this movie is giving me the shakes. I don't know what to feel. On one hand: big giant monsters and battles. On the other hand: the sucking void of personality that is Sam Worthington. You would think that this would be a fool proof movie to make because the original movie just couldn’t live up to expectations after Star Wars reset the special effects bar. Just have a lot of action and creatures and cast someone more interesting than the terminally bland Harry Hamlin.

Oh well.

On a scale in which 12 Monkeys is Muhammad Ali, Jefferson in Paris is Sugar Ray Leonard, and Mamma Mia! is Bobby “the Brain” Heenan, the Sci-fi Quotient is Riddick Bowe.

The Last Song [3/31]
Director: Julie Anne Robinson
Stars: Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth
Studio: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
The Plot: A drama centered on a rebellious young woman (Cyrus) who is sent to spend the summer with her estranged father, who abandoned his family in the past.

The Republibot Take: The worst possible thing that could have ever happened to single men is the movie the Notebook. It is like some kind of weird obsession to women – it is the movie that they want to watch repeatedly when they say they like to stay in and watch a movie on DVD. They never say they want to watch Six String Samurai, and when they do they conveniently accidently grab the Notebook instead.

This is all a roundabout way to say that this movie is based on a book written by the same guy that foisted the Notebook onto us. And now he has added Miley Cyrus to the mix. This is seriously the kind of punishment that Satan hires high paid consultants in Hell to help come up with as seventh ring endless torment kinda stuff.

Sci-fi Quotient is Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake.

Why Did I Get Married Too?
Director: Tyler Perry
Stars: Janet Jackson, Tyler Perry, Jill Scott
Studio: Lionsgate
The Plot: Four couples reunite for their annual vacation in order to socialize and to spend time analyzing their marriages. Their intimate week in the Bahamas is disrupted by the arrival of an ex-husband determined to win back his recently remarried wife.

The Republibot Take: Wasn’t this movie just out last fall when it was called Couple’s Retreat? I don’t know what it is about Tyler Perry, but the guy has figured out his audience and more power to him. Having said that, white, black, yellow, red, blue, this movie just sounds painful. There is only so much earnestness with humorous touch we should be expected to bear.

Sci-fi Quotient is Mickey Rourke.

Warlords [LA/NY]
Director: Peter Chan Wai Man Yip
Stars: Jet Li, Andy Lau, Takeshi Kaneshiro
Studio: Magnet Releasing
The Plot: During China's Taiping Rebellion of the 1860s, General Pang (Jet Li) forms a blood-brother alliance with two bandit leaders (Andy Lau and Takeshi Kaneshiro) during a brutal civil war. Though their bond is true on the battlefield, political and romantic deceit create a faultline underneath them.

The Republibot Take: So, a little bit of biased martial arts star history. Bruce Lee only trained for a short time in a real discipline and never competed at a high level against peers. He looked great on film, but there isn’t much outside of his legend to point to his ability. Jackie Chan was trained primarily in the Peking Opera which was a mixture of performing arts and acrobatics disguised in instances as martial arts. He is super skilled but never competed. Jean Claude Van Damme is a dancer. Steven Segal was a fairly accomplished akido practitioner who never competed against his peers. Chuck Norris learned Karate as an adult and competed as a fighter and had a killer spinning side kick that won him a ton of fights in the US Competition circuit. Jet Li is the only one that is the real thing. He trained in since childhood and was world champion before moving into film. That guy can just freaking move.

I dislike intensely all of his American films, but love unabashedly his Chinese films.

Andy Lau and Takeshi Kaneshiro are okay.

Sci-fi Quotient is Oscar De la Hoya.

Don McKay [LA/NY]
Director: Jake Goldberger
Stars: Thomas Haden Church, Elisabeth Shue, Melissa Leo
Studio: Image Entertainment
The Plot: After a 25-year absence, high-school janitor Don McKay (Church) returns to his hometown to see his first love, Sonny (Shue), who sent him a letter indicate she's dying. But this homecoming brings McKay more than he bargained for.

The Republibot Take: Have no idea about this movie. Based on the cast I would assume it is a comedy, or more appropriately a dramedy. But there is nothing remotely enticing about it based on the synopsis.

Sci-fi Quotient is Cynthia Rothrock.

(Well, how about that – it is a thriller… huh… go figure.)

Excellent. That went rather well. I felt pretty good about that.

Check back next week when we thoughtlessly discuss Date Night, Letters to God, and The Square.

Until then – see you in the comments.

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