Ok, here we go. Back for a shortened (thankfully) season of reviews of this terrible, terrible show. Sorry I missed last week, I will try to loop back and review the season premiere as soon as I can get my hands on it. My only prayer this year is that it doesn’t get canceled mid-season and then they dump all of the remaining episodes into one marathon back to back showing all at once, like Syfy did with Caprica. I honestly don’t think I would be able to survive that.
Tonight’s episode is called “Serpent’s Tooth”, and as the cable guide explains it: Diana faces off with Anna on the mother ship, Erica has Tyler’s blood tested, and learns that something sinister happened while she was pregnant with him.
Here starteth the Recap –
The show apparently started a bit before my recording of it kicked in, but it seemed to me that Anna is apparently infertile or something and she is being defensive about it with her mother, Diana(who was the queen in the original series).
Then we cut to Hot-Blondie VAP (Visitor American Princess) Lisa as she comes to tell Erica that someone is surprisingly still alive (it seems to be the Chief Doctor from last season that was the leader of the internal V resistance on the ships). Erica also thinks that she might have been experimented on back when she was pregnant with her whiny son.
Erica gets a blood sample from her son (coincidentally he cut himself shaving that morning and had some tissue on it that she unhygienicly grabs off of his face)and rushes it to a new human doctor character that I don’t remember from last season. He is going to do a test on the whiny kid’s blood.
Cut to Ryan – the V freedom fighter who was shacking up with a human girl and got her pregnant out of wedlock. I guess his girlfriend is dead – again, I don’t remember if she died last season or last episode, but I promise to find out at some point. Ryan is at the memorial service for his girlfriend and her parent’s come up to him and blame him for her getting pregnant and dying. They basically imply that he must be inhuman to have done something so horrid as to have slept with their daughter and not used protection. They all leave just as he is approached by a messenger from Anna. The messenger gives him a card inviting him to see his daughter anytime.
We then cut to Chad Decker, or who I will refer to as Party of 5 (V) this year. Anna’s creepy V PR assistant introduces a pregnant human woman to Chad to interview about being the first human to have her child delivered via V technology. Apparently there is a lot of fear about letting the V’s assist in the delivery of human babies. I mean it is much more complicated than curing cancer, and regrowing limbs, and all of that stuff right. It’s not like humans have been giving birth without help on dirt floors since the beginning of time or anything. The technology needed has to be very experimental, so it just stands to reason that everyone is scared.
Anyway, form thee we jump to Father Jack, the Resistance Fighter, he is taking confession. Apparently he has a podcast on the internet in which he delivers sermons calling for everyone to fight back against the V’s because it is the only thing to do. The guy he is ministering to is searching to confirm that fighting back is the right thing to do, and Father Jack confirms that and then tries to fight back his own tears.
We immediately cut to the penitent man as he is approaching a V Healing Center and promptly opens his jacket to show he is well vested in explosives and blows himself up. You know like a suicide bomber.
Erica is investigating the bomb site and her FBI team is trying to piece together why the Fifth column bombed the place. Sharita, the FBI agent on Erica’s team who is actually a V sleeper agent, steals some evidence and gives it to creepy V PR guy. The creepy V PR guy runs immediately to Anna on the mother ship and states they can run fingerprints faster than the FBI and on the bomb fragments that they have illicitly recovered. Anna is angry that the human’s are being so incorrigible and demands results. They must know who this one suicide bomber on a world of 4 billion people are, because that will change the whole balance of power.
Anna dresses up Ryan’s little hybrid child to look human in order to gain a hold over him (they refer to it as putting a skin on him or something lame like that), she then swallows whole a big freaking rat and then regurgitates it back into Ryan’s kid. I didn’t know that lizards did that. I mean, regurgitate food back to their young – I knew they did that with rats, but the regurgitation thing I didn’t know.
She then holographically appears to Ryan and tries to play on his emotions, which is great because that is apparently what the humans have that the V don’t. Emotions. She tries to make a deal with him, but Ryan remains strong and hangs up on her.
Back to Father Jack, Erica and Hobbes - the Terrorist dude - they are arguing over whether the suicide bomber tactic is valid or not. Apparently they still are struggling with whether they are actually real resistance fighters or not. Ryan shows up and joins in on the discussion and then Father Jack realizes the suicide bomber is the guy that he took confession from and he tries valiantly to fight back the tears.
While Father Jack starts to weep again, Erica sees her chance to manipulate him poorly to do what she wants. She wants to stop the dedicated resistance fighters so that her undedicated crew can stay in charge.
Meanwhile back on the Mother ship, Anna is poking around inside the head of her former chief medical officer. They are trying to rebuild his last memories from right before he died so they can identify who the V resistance is.
Ryan is sitting in the chapel staring forlornly off into the distance. Father Jack walks up to him and they have a brief discussion about the soul and its importance to being human. Ryan is very angry and doesn’t want to have emotions anymore. Father Jack needs to run to a vigil, but promises they can speak more in depth when he returns.
Hobbes and Erica are ransacking the home of the dead suicide bomber. Hobbes finds out that the bomb was made by an Israeli bomb maker (he determines that by the kind of bomb wiring they find at the house). They think they have identified the next target, so they argue about what to do about.
Father Jack is giving a sermon at the vigil at the site of the bomb site – apparently, he is the only priest on duty in the entire city. He fights back the tears.
Anna sees that Ryan is attending the vigil as well. She then goes and slaps down her mother, Diana, and demands that she teach her about human emotion. She threatens to make her eat some Flintstone Vitamins if she doesn’t and her mother immediately capitulates.
Erica wins the argument with Hobbes and has the FBI sweep the intended bombing target. While they are trying to figure out why that is the target she sees Chad and suddenly realizes that he is the intended target. And then in an overly dramatic and awkwardly choreographed action sequence Erica runs to Chad and pushes him aside and then full body tackles the suicide bomber who is wearing a big vest filled with high explosive.
Cut back to the Mother ship just as Anna gets schooled by her mom on the secret to human emotion – it is apparently classical piano music.
Then we are talking all about the Soul. Cutting back and forth between Anna and her mum, and then Father Jack and Ryan. It is all very faith promoting (at least I suppose it would probably seem that way to people without faith) and just as Father Jack fights back the tears, we go to commercial where we see where the real soul of the human race sits – an ad for an ATT mobile phone plan.
When we come back from commercial we immediately determine that the man behind the suicide bombers is a former Mossad agent. Mr V PR guy sends Sharita to track him down. Erica interrogates the Suicide bomber, and in a brilliantly ludicrous scene she lets the suspect know that she is part of the Fifth Column by tossing her hair sexily and exposing her V scar behind her ear. Once she gets the information she needs from the suspect she takes off immediately to try and meet up with Hobbes. Now they are after the Mossad agent too.
Hobbes gets there in time to run into Sharita who is sneaking around and they have a brief battle before Hobbes gets away.
Again to the mother ship and we learnt that Anna is upset that Ryan still hasn’t come in from the cold. She decides to give the hybrid baby an illness that only her bliss can cure and then she ESPs to Ryan while he is trying to pray outside of the church with Father Jack. Ryan freaks out and runs off. Father Jack fights back the tears.
Erica shows back up at the terrorist warehouse like she just got there and then so does Sharita, the undercover V agent. Hobbes calls her and says he found the terrorist’s car. (Does anything actually ever happen in this show or do they just constantly get into these meaningless and endless exposition loops?)
Father Jack fights back tears as he prays for forgiveness, but there is no forgiveness for terminal cluelessness. Chad confronts him angrily in the chapel because he didn’t volunteer to help the resistance by getting blown up, he then warns Father Jack to warn Erika that her cover might be about to be blown. Father Jack fights back the tears again.
Erica and Sharita, the undercover V, are heading to follow up on a lead. They both suspect the other of being on the wrong side and then once Sharita is certain that her cover is blown she pulls a gun on Erica. Erica does the only sane thing she has as an option and starts to fight Sharita for the gun, causing the car to swerve out of control and crash.
Cut to Ryan, he is cleaning his gun when Anna shows up holographically with the crying hybrid child. Anna offers to help the child if Ryan comes back and Ryan finally agrees.
Anna confronts her mother again and claims that she is going to find where the human soul resides and find out how to defeat the evil human emotions and then storms off. And fade to merciful, merciful black.
Here resideth my Impressions –
This show feels as if it is endless, and that is even when I am fast forwarding through the commercials. The people in this show are truly and monumentally dumb. And by people I mean everyone – humans and V’s both. There are some points where I feel like I am Sam Kinison yelling at starving people to go to where the food is, “AuughAugghAuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh!! Don’t watch this!! Go to where the real entertainment is!!”