Hello everyone, and happy St. Patrick's Day. A day most commonly known as the one where Ireland was converted to Greek Orthodoxy by a Welsh guy, and who's sainthood was opposed by the Catholic church until about 1700 AD when they decided to simply ignore him instead. Thus: Saint Patrick's day: Not Irish, Catholic by Retcon, and not a Saint. Also, the Irish would have called him "Quadrag" or something similarly ridiculous. Or so I've been told by the people who watched 30 Rock the other night, and are running around the neighborhood dressed in head-to-toe Orange.
Yes, the legend of St. Patrick and the liturgical history of Ireland become more and more complex, fractilized, and interesting the closer you look at it. Not only did the man manage to convert an entire country without bloodshed, but he did it in such an amazingly effective matter that the Irish *completely* abandoned their old religion, and we pretty much know nothing about it to this very day. Think about how astounding that is! Not only did he convert them, he convinced them to utterly erase their past! Amazing, and despite my cheap gags above, nothing to be brusquely tossed aside as trivial, nor used as a cheap excuse to puke green beer into a garbage can or gutter. (That's what the other 364 days of the year are for, guys!)
To celebrate this major milestone in the histories of Western, Celtic, and Christian civilization, Cartoon Network has decided to premier their new "Green Lantern" series. (Which, by the way, features no characters from "Milestone" comics, sadly). See what they did there?
Yeah, yeah, I know they ran the two-part premier last year, and re-ran it over the last fortnight (A word I've heard Irish people use), but this is the *real* premier, in that it's the third episode, and the first of the ones to be shown first-run in its regular slot.
As you can probably tell from my long, rambling intro, I'm not that into it. I'll pick up the show for a few weeks, until either I get bored with it and wander away or (Less likely) it gets better. If anyone else would care to jump in and take over the reviews, contact me at email@example.com and we'll discuss it. I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure you could do a better job at this than me. There's no money in it, of course. Sorry.
Hal and Kilowog are officially - and under protest - put in charge of the interceptor and told to provide intel to Oa until the Guardians can figure out what to do about the Red Lantern problem. Razer is still their prisoner, and they decide to dump him in a privately owned-and-operated prison, rather than haul him along indefinitely. They keep his ring, of course.
Upon leaving the jail, they find an escapee, a little flying squid gollum thing who's crazy (As far as we know. This could be normal for his kind) who informs him that the prison tortures people. Kilowog and Hal break into the jail, and are quickly captured. Turns out the guards (Who are spiders, but that's largely irrelevant. They could be hippopotamuses or a hoard of David Bowies for all it really matters.) make you re-live your worst memories over and over again for no readily apparent reason, then eat you.
The ship's AI program leaves the ship (Admittedly cool) and frees Razer, who then gets his ring, and rescues Hal and Kilowog. They then kick much butt. Or carapice. Or whatever. Which actually is a fairly traditional way of celebrating St. Patrick's Day.
They leave the little flying squid dude in charge of the prison, with the bug dudes as the new prisoners, and a new GL will take over as warden when he arrives in 18 months. Kilowog and Hal decide to admit Razer to the team, and give him his ring.
Meh. I'm still not feeling it. Now, granted, this was a VAST improvement over the 2-part premier, tighter, better, faster, funnier, and with one or two cool-ish (But not quite entirely cool) moments. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't anything I hadn't seen a hundred times before, most of them as good or better. It feels like going through the motions.
Razer would appear to have been raised in a war-torn Palestine-kinda' place. He joined the militia, then his girlfriend? Wife? Sister? Girlfriendsisterwife? Brother? (I mean, we really don't know their biology, right? They're aliens!) died, and he got angry and became a Red Lantern.
We don't get to see what Hal and Kilowog's worst fears/moments are, but that would be kinda' neat to know.
So there's a yellow ore out here that acts like Kryptonite on the GL Rings.
Razer shows great remorse for his actions, but is still consumed with anger. "I thought you'd hate the Red Lanterns for what they did to you."
"I do, but that doesn't mean I like the Green Lanterns. Now I just have more people to hate."
The only thing that really impressed me was Razer's opinion that he was a murderer even though nobody died. He *attempted* to kill a planet full of people, he destroyed the planet. The fact that the people managed to dodge the bullet is just a technicality in his mind. I'm impressed because I agree with that.
When we find out the bugs eat the prisoners, my oldest said "I saw that coming," and my daughter said "Frackin' Ovions..." I could not have been more proud.
WILL CONSERVATIVES LIKE THIS EPISODE?
Nope. It's got a very slight "Criminals still have rights even in jail" message that some of us will take umbrage at.