The show ended up getting preempted last week for crazy reasons, and I missed it when they finally deigned to show it. This is unlike the Hub, they’re generally so thoughtful of their viewers, but I’ll just take this as a one time thing, particularly as they re-aired the ep this week for the benefit of dopes like me.
And, hey, guess what: It’s a really good episode!
PLAY BY PLAY
The Joes raid a Cobra Storage Facility somewhere in the arctic, apparently. Inside they find a heavily secured canister. They don’t know what’s in it, but they figure since it’s got alarms and stuff attached to it, it must be worth having. They take it and escape.
They decide they need to take the dingus to General Hawk/Abernathy in DC, but they can’t just drive there for reasons that are mostly ignored in other episodes. Instead they cajole Hector “Shipwreck” Delgado into letting them ride on his fishing boat, the Courtney. (Named, we’re told, after supermodel Courtney Krieger. Shipwreck’s got a cheesecake poster of her out on the deck.) Nobody gets along all that well.
The dingus turns out to hold a failed prototype technoviper, which more or less takes over any electrical device - including computers - it touches. We re-enact Alien for a bit, but with no one dying, and them using fire extinguishers to goad the beast rather than flamethrowers and cattle prods. It looks like they’re going to have to sink the Courtney for a while, and Shipwreck is very upset by that. The ship is all he has left in the world after Cobra destroyed him some years before for refusing to dump toxic waste. Ultimately Roadblock sacrifices himself - or attempts to - which results in them saving the ship, and killing the beastie. Alas, once again, they don’t have any evidence.
Or do they? Scarlet notices that the beastie reprogrammed the navigation computer to take them to Scotland. Shipwreck decides, “Hey, let’s go ahead and check it out” and the Joes - plus one - sail off into the sunset.
So where the heck were they, anyway? It’s clearly arctic, Shipwreck is clearly supposed to have just walked off the set of “The Deadliest Catch,” so pretty clearly they’re in Alaska. The previous episode took place in northern Canada, so that tracks.
Here’s the thing, though: They were going to take a fishing boat to DC from Alaska? That’s about 4000 miles, and about 70 hours by car. By boat, I’m gonna’ conservatively assume 12,000 miles, since you’ve got to go all the way down to the Panama canal, then back up the coast to DC. Figure a travel time - flat out, assuming no problems - of two weeks or so. This in a fishing boat. Run by a fisherman. Who’s clearly hard up for cash. Who probably cant’ afford to knock off for work that long. (Although maybe it’s the off season). And he’s willing to do all this for a car?
Going to Scotland in the end is even harder - since you’ve got to cross the Atlantic once you come out of Panama. Add 5000 or so miles, and another week or two of travel time.
“Courtney Krieger” is Covergirl, from the old GI Joe series. Supermodel/Tank Driver. Yeah, it was that kind of show. I totally didn’t recognize her name here, though I knew I knew it. I kept thinking it was an in joke, a reference to “Amanda Krieger” from American Flagg. Dirty old man, apparently.
I loved the opening gag about the two Cobra guards who got stuck in Alaska because of the ways they’d screwed up in previous episodes (“There was this dam…”) (“I let some people into the Cobra Christmas party who weren’t on the guest list…”)
I liked the character redesign for Shipwreck quite a bit, but didn’t care for his voice. It wasn’t terrible, but Shipwreck had probably the most identifiable voice from the original show - a lazy Jack Nicholson impression - and the new voice just isn’t iconic enough for me. Looked a bit like Coocoo’s nest-era Jack, too http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Shipwreck_Box_Art.png Carlos Alazraqui (Who used to be on Reno:911) does a typically good job (He’s actually a great voice actor), but it never feels like he quite gets a bead on the character this time out. Still, since we’ll see him again next week, maybe he’ll nail it then.
The Joe’s aircraft carrier, the USS Flagg turns up in this ep.
WILL CONSERVATIVES LIKE THIS EPISODE?
Sure, why not?