B-MOVIE REVIEW: Crossworlds (1997)

Melchidezek's picture

While sitting around in incessant boredom, I decided to click the view all button on the sci-fi suggested movies on my netflix account. I ran across this little film which in my current state of boredom, I found to be highly entertaining. Despite no real defined plot and the repetitiveness of the find it, lose it, find it again mentality, this was actually a flick that got me through an evening of painful boredom.

The film opens in coastal Albania. A young man in a dungeon, with a flashlight and a crow-bar. As the targeted storage container get pried open, several "Suits" warp in, " wheres the rest of it"...."somewhere where you'll never find it." 1950's lightening ensues and we fade to roll the opening credits.
Ok, Now I'm hooked.
We flash to a back yard beer blast in present day 1980's LA with a surprise appearance by Jack Black. During our throwdown, we're introduced to Joe, our college attending business major. Just as Joe gets shot down by a blond bimbo, Laura our freedom fighter from another dimension warps in and utters "Joe Talbott" and warps out complete with 1950's "kerrweeehaa" sounds.

Joe retires to his room and is falling asleep (like we couldn't see this coming) 'you know who' warps back in to Joe's room, mounts him, pulls a dagger out of her boot and fiddles with Joe's necklace. Joe wakes up and is in awe of the beautiful blond Laura on top of him. Joe mutters some nonsense and Laura silences him looking toward the window where a crow is perched on a limb.

BEWM the entire house is transported to an Arabia type dimension and back again with a couple of "suits" warping in and shooting up the place. Laura proceeds to tell Joe they're after him and that his life is in danger after escaping in Joe's car.

After apparently driving all night the pair pull into a old motel, open the door to a room that mysteriously opens into a warehouse. Enter A.T. (Rutger Hauer). Of course he dons his long black coat (I haven't figured out if it's the same one in all his movies or if he is issued a new one each flick).

In typical Hauer fashion we are soon to learn that he is the leader of the resistance and the trio bands together to find a scepter, in which we can now deduce that Joe's dad retrieved from the box in Albania. Obviously the crystal in Joe's necklace is the source of power for the scepter that is the Key to inter-dimensional travel.

Obviously (!)- R2

From this point things get repetitive. The girl gets captured by the bad guys and its up to Joe to find A.T. before they kill her, ya know the stuff that makes these movies work. I'll leave off the play by play from here so that I don't ruin this for those who wish to watch.