Crapfest

SATURDAY AFTERNOON B-MOVIE CRAPFEST: "Thunderbirds" (2004)

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What can I say about this movie that hasn’t already been said? Ebert puts it pretty succinctly when he mentions that, “This is a movie made for an audience that does not exist…fans of a British TV puppet show that ran from 1964 to 1966.” He goes on to quote David Rooney from Variety for some basic info on the show because, as Ebert himself says, “I had never heard of the series, and, let’s face it, neither have you.”

In fact, owing to my mad geek creds I *have* heard of the TV show, and even watched it a bit. It’s not a fond memory from my youth which I was greatly attached to, rather I first saw it when Sci-Fi ran repeats of it and other Gerry Anderson “Supermarionation” series in their morning block of children’s programming in the early 90s. I watched it when getting ready for work in the mornings, not because it was particularly interesting, but mainly to catch the cool miniature work done by the late great Derek Meddings. It was never my favorite, though. I much preferred “Captain Scarlet and the Mysterions.” Though never a fan, there is some part of me that can’t help but have some misguided affection for marionettes who have love lives, and shoot each other.

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SATURDAY AFTERNOON B-MOVIE CRAPFEST: “Battle Beyond the Stars” (1980)

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There are all kinds of bad movies. There’s the bad ones that are so bad as to be simply unwatchable - pretty much anything by Andy Warhol, for instance - and then there’s the bad ones of no particular distinction that are simply forgotten - “Starship Invasions” staring Robert Vaughn comes to mind. There are movies that get the rep of being terrible, but actually aren’t that bad - “The Giant Gila Monster” is all kinds of dumb, for instance, but there’s an earnest sweetness to it people overlook.

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SATURDAY AFTERNOON B-MOVIE CRAPFEST: “Battle In Outer Space” (1959)

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Yes, yes, I know, I know, it’s Monday, not Saturday. We’ve been all through this already: This is about the kinds of movies I used to *watch* on a Saturday afternoon, that doesn’t mean I can only talk about ‘em on a Saturday. So let’s just free our minds of our strictly literal interpretations of things that are, frankly, beneath our notice anyway. I mean, it’s not like the movies I’m reviewing in this feature are any good, right?

That said: We haven’t done one of these in a long while, but when I came across a Japanese space movie I’d never seen before, I just knew I had to cover it.

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SATURDAY AFTERNOON B-MOVIE CRAPFEST: “Fiend Without A Face” (1958)

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It’s been a long time since we’ve done one of these, but I thought it might be fun to revisit the feature, even if it’s only infrequently. For those of you new to the site, yes, I know it’s Monday, not Saturday, but that’s not the point. The “Saturday Afternoon B-Movie Crapfest” isn’t about a day of the week, but the kinds of movies that used to be shown on UHF channels to kill dead airtime in the post-cartoon, pre-syndicated shows block on Saturdays. This feature is all about the Boring Saturday Afternoon of the soul. I wax rhapsodic…

PLAY BY PLAY

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SATURDAY AFTERNOON B-MOVIE CRAPFEST: “Journey to the Seventh Planet” (1962)

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I know it's not Saturday, but you really need to stop harping on the literal interpretation of the titles of old things I'm throwing up here more or less at random. Seriously. People are beginning to talk.

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SATURDAY B-MOVIE CRAP FEST: “The Phantom Planet” (1961)

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This is actually the first movie we’ve reviewed in the Crap Fest series that I’ve actually seen or heard of before. Granted, I have some vague, fleeting memories of “Cosmos: War of the Planets” - mostly the robot at the end - that may indicate I really saw it before, or it may simply be the result of that LSD someone put in my drink back in the 80s. Or both. Either way, I certainly never saw the whole film before reviewing it here, and I hope to never see it again.

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